Last week I got the chance to be a guest speaker on Right to R.E.A.L. Love Podcast, I spoke on the topic of ‘God’s Purpose For Relationships.’ I believe it’s so important to know God’s purpose for bringing two people together in marriage and His purpose for establishing relationships altogether. Sometimes we want something, but we don’t know God’s intended purpose for that thing. And when we don’t know the purpose of something it’s easy to misuse and abuse it. On my last blog post entitled ‘While I’m Waiting,’ I talked about some of the misconceptions of waiting God’s way and what to do while you are waiting. On this post, I will address the PURPOSE for the relationships that God establishes. Understanding the purpose will help us to better understand the wait and the preparation that must take place during the wait.
The definition of purpose is the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. God had/has a reason for creating relationships and a reason for why they still exist. This reason goes far beyond just us and what our flesh desires. It goes far beyond being able to post cute Instagram photos, far beyond having someone on your arm, getting to have sex, and all the other reasons we want to be in a relationship. God’s purpose for establishing Kingdom relationships – marriages – is geared towards fulfilling His purpose for humanity and the world. In Genesis 1:26-28 and Genesis 2:24 we get our first glimpse into God’s purpose for mankind and His purpose for relationships. God established men and women to come together in marriage and He intended for us to be in His image and likeness, to have dominion on the earth, and to be fruitful and multiply. GOD CREATED MARRIAGE and He did so with HIS purpose in mind. He wants to establish His Kingdom on the earth, but He does that through us, His people – born again believers. When God puts two people together (for marriage), He does it with the intention of using them to advance His Kingdom on the earth and to be an example of Christ and the church (Eph.5:22-33). The two play/will play some sort of role in building the Kingdom. But how can God use them to build the Kingdom if His Kingdom isn’t first established in them? How can God use your marriage to advance His Kingdom if His Kingdom is not in you? This is why allowing God to do a work in you BEFORE getting into a relationship is so important. There are levels to this! God sees the bigger picture that we at times cannot see. He sees that we have to let Him uproot things in us like bitterness, jealousy, brokenness from our past, daddy/mommy issues, lust, etc. so that when He decides to add a spouse to us (if it is His will) we won’t hinder His process. He has to teach us His ways, birth His fruit in us, and develop His godly character in us so that we can be a reflection of Him in the roles we play. Marriage is ministry. This is not to say that God doesn’t take you through seasons of purging while you are married – He certainly does – but while you are single there’s so much He desires to do in you without the added responsibility of a spouse. Don’t rush ahead of the process.
Every Kingdom couple that God establishes has a particular assignment(s) that they are called to fulfill for the Kingdom and there are certain areas (industries, regions, demographics, etc.) that they are called to have influence in. When God showed me who my husband was back in 2010 and during my season of waiting for His word to come to pass concerning marriage, He showed me some of the ways in which He would use us to build the Kingdom; He showed me the PURPOSE for our union – the Kingdom purpose. Over the course of time as my now husband and I got together, then engaged, and then got married, God gave us more pieces and revealed more to us concerning the ways in which He would use us and the plans and purposes He had for our marriage. God never does anything without a PURPOSE. Everything He ever does in the earth Has a purpose. So for every Kingdom couple that He establishes, there is an ASSIGNMENT. Their impact may be on a local, state, national, or international level. However great their impact may be, they are called.
It’s so important that we understand that we all have assignments to fulfill, whether single or married. We can’t make our salvation about us and use God simply to fulfill our wishes and desires. Romans 8:28 says “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose”. You have to be called according to HIS purpose, not your own purpose. So many Christians try to use God to fulfill their purpose instead of getting on their face, denying their flesh, and seeking out what HE wants to do with their life for the advancement of His Kingdom. And anything that God has you to do for His Kingdom will be about SOULS – winning souls for the Kingdom and snatching people from the doorstep of Hell into His marvelous light. If what you think God’s purpose for you is doesn’t somehow win souls to Him and bring Him glory, you might want to ask Him to make it clearer. When you understand that your life and your salvation in Christ has a purpose in advancing the Kingdom, then it’s easy for you to aim to walk in His purpose for your marriage instead of your own purpose.
His assignment for your marriage may be to raise up godly offspring and train them up in particular areas where they will influence thousands for God’s glory (if you have children, raising them up to know God is one of your assignments by default). Or His assignment for your marriage may be for the two of you to be an example of a godly couple to your neighbors and/or coworkers (we should all strive to do this). It may be to have an impact in your local community or church. Sometimes He may give you different assignments at different times. You may have an assignment to preach the gospel to many people, or you may have a husband who has an assignment to minister to men and you are called to assist him as his helpmate in making his job easier, or vice versa. You may have an assignment to influence a certain industry or have businesses so you can point people in those particular industries to Christ. You may have an assignment in radio, fashion, law, missions, government, child-care, education, medicine, gospel music, television, etc. Whatever your assignments are, it’s ALL ministry. We have so distorted what ministry is today that everyone thinks ministry means having a mic in your hand or having thousands of followers. Ministry is your everyday life and ministry takes place wherever God places you.
When God establishes a Kingdom couple (in marriage), that couple is beginning (or continuing) Kingdom trends for their bloodlines and breaking generational curses and strongholds. For some of us, we are starting a whole new Kingdom generation and lineage in our families; others are continuing or improving what the generations before us started. Because you both decided to surrender your life to God, the generational strongholds in your bloodlines stop with you! The demons your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather wrestled with, your sons and daughter will not have to wrestle with because you overcame those things and will teach your children how to live a victorious life. Why do you think the fight against your soul is so strong at times? Satan knows that if he can influence you, then he can use you to get to the generations after you. But if you surrender to God, then those coming after you will have your example and will have far less to deal with. Your marriage/future marriage is so much BIGGER than you! Please don’t be quick to marry just anyone and don’t be quick to jump into marriage! Wait on the Lord and wait for His timing. He may have shown you who your spouse is supposed to be, but it may not be time yet. Let Him finish whatever He wants to do in you during this season. Generations after you will be affected by your obedience/disobedience today.
Often times we only think about how things affect us and the here and now. We don’t really think about the cost of our actions on our tomorrow. Think about how many families that the cycle of sexual, physical, and verbal abuse is continuing because someone chose not to wait on God. Think about the families where the spirit of religion (spiritually dead but portraying to be alive) is reigning because a woman chose to hurry up and marry a man she thought was godly because her biological clock was ticking; Now she’s married and the man she married isn’t as Christian as she thought he was and she never gave God a chance to get in her heart for real so now they’re a couple with a religious façade who have little impact on the world. Now their children have to fight against the demons their parents wouldn’t let God kill. Think about the families where the stronghold of substance abuse continues to reign because someone did not obey God when He told them not to get with that person. Think about the impact they and their family could make on the earth had they simply waited and obeyed God. I honestly believe there are many families like this where God called someone, but they did not answer the call or God gave someone instructions and they chose to disobey. This is one of the reasons why we have so much destruction in the world – someone, somewhere chose not to obey God. Families are the cornerstone of society and all families begin with two people who got together and reproduced (in or out of wedlock). What they carry and the legacy they leave (whether good or bad) can impact generations to come. Who you decide to get with matters! The legacy you leave is up to you! If you want to leave a Kingdom legacy, wait on the Lord, it’s that simple. If you want a husband/wife that will also leave behind a Kingdom legacy, wait for the one that God has for you.
There are so many benefits of being in His will and so many consequences of being outside of it. Your life has purpose, therefore the relationships that God establishes in your life have purpose. The question is: is God establishing them? Did God establish your relationship? God doesn’t bring people into your life just because. And God doesn’t desire us to jump from one relationship to the next. When God established relationships, it’s for the purpose of marriage, not to test drive and “see how things will go.” My pastor always says: “God doesn’t play house, He builds families.” Is the relationship you are in now honestly going to lead to marriage or are you two just playing around in your flesh until you get tired of each other or decide what you’re going to do next? Has God even given you a word concerning the person you are with now? Did He sanction that relationship? If He has, it’s for the purpose of marriage, not a time-filler. Many Christians think that they can call the shots when it comes to who they get into relationships with, but 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” If you are not your own, what makes you think you can choose who you can join yourself to. If your body and your spirit belong to the Lord, don’t you think He has a plan concerning who (the body and spirit) He wants to join you to? We can’t give God every area of our life except our relationships and say we’re living surrendered to Him. Surrender means to give ALL, holding nothing back.
Some of us have been in relationships that were never God’s will, we wasted time and got distracted from things He wanted us to focus on. And many people aren’t ready to be in relationships at all but continue to put themselves in relationships because it’s acceptable to the world. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the world’s way of doing things is not God’s way of doing things. And just because the world approves of something does not mean God approves of it. As believers, we live to please God and we strive to live up to His standards, we’re not trying to stay trendy with the world. We’re not trying to keep up with the world’s customs, we’ve been transformed, and we live by a new system (Romans 12:1-2) – the Kingdom system. Kingdom means God’s way of doing things. According to God’s word, when you are single your mind should be on the Lord, you have less cares and more time to give to the things of God, but when you’re married your mind is on the Lord and on how to please your spouse (1 Cor. 7:32-33). So if you’re in a relationship that God did not establish, you are wasting time being distracted from the things of God. Imagine what God could be doing in your life with all the time and attention you’re giving to someone that does not belong to you. Also 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 says, your affection belongs to your husband or your wife, not your boyfriend, a friend with benefits, the guy/girl that you’re trying things out with, etc. – YOUR SPOUSE. Isn’t it crazy that the Bible only recognizes marriage, yet the church is recognizing all these other relationships that God never created? God only has a purpose for that which He designed – marriage. All the other relationship games we play have no place in His Kingdom. I think that’s why we can spend years with someone and when the relationship ends we feel used, broken, we have regret, soul ties, and strongholds, and we feel like we wasted time and like the relationship served no real purpose. Anything done in the flesh will only yield fleshly results. Wait on the Lord and do things HIS way.
Thank God that no matter where you are (married or single), how your marriage is or where it started, no matter the kind of family you come from or the relationships you are in today or have had in the past, it’s never too late to get things right. If you’re married and you know your marriage is not glorifying God, I believe that if just one of you surrenders and allows God into the home, He can turn things around for your good and for His glory. If you’re single and you’ve been jumping from one relationship to the next, and you know you’ve wasted so much time, it’s never too late to give that part of your life to God, He is the restorer or time. If you came from a family that doesn’t serve God (a majority of the world), you can be the one to start the change in your bloodline. God is a redeemer, there’s nothing He can’t take and make beautiful. God has given us all a choice to yield to His Spirit, so He can come in and have His way. I pray that you choose to surrender your relationships to God so that His purpose can be fulfilled.
P.s. – When the podcast becomes available, I will post it here.