Ever since I’ve written my two most popular blog posts, My Waiting on God Testimony and I Believe God Told Me Who My Husband Is, I’ve gotten so many comments and emails from you all asking questions about my process and advice for those going through similar situations. Since I get asked the same kinds of questions, I thought I should go ahead and do a FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) post.
Below are some of the questions I get asked often and some advice to help you on your journey if you are going through a similar process.
1. Were you dating while you were waiting? Should I date while I wait?
No, I was not dating while I waited. Prior to God telling me who my husband was, God showed me through my Pastor and my church that dating was not something that He wanted me to do or that He even ordained to be done among His children. Dating, as it’s done today, comes from the world and has found its way into the church. It leads to distractions, heartbreak, fornication, and so much more. I had the conviction not to partake in dating relationships at all and I believed wholeheartedly that if God knows everything then He knew who He wanted me to marry and would bring my future husband along in His perfect timing. And I had full confidence that as His children if we were truly being led by God that He was able to reveal to us His will concerning one another, and that is exactly what He did.
So once God revealed to me who my future husband was and I had full assurance that it came from God (it took time for me to have this assurance), why would I date other people if I believed what God said? To date other people would have been a lack of faith. If you really believe what God said, why would you continue to date other people? If you decide to date other people, then it means you don’t fully believe in what God has said or that it was God who said it to you.
2. What other confirmations did you receive?
Other than the initial word in my spirit and dream that I had, when I prayed and fasted for God to remove the thought of him being my husband He did not remove it but instead gave me more confirmations. The confirmations were more words in my spirit, things He allowed me to see in the natural, confirmations through His Word, and more dreams and visions which a few came to pass even before my husband knew about me. Later on, when it was near the time that my now husband approached me about me being his wife, God actually showed me that he knew and that he would approach me soon. A few days before he came to me, God gave me a vision of a left hand and a ring on the ring finger (among other visions and signs). By this time I had full assurance so I just waited and went about my business. After my now husband approached me, a few of our leaders told us that God showed them as well that we were to be husband and wife, they bore witness to what God was doing with us. God even gave my now husband dreams about the purpose and vision for our marriage that lined up with what He showed me during my time of waiting. There was confirmation all throughout the process of me waiting, him approaching me, after he approached me, during our engagement, even up to our wedding day. God continued to back up His word, there was no room for me to doubt that it was God. I told God I wouldn’t accept it if it wasn’t from Him and wanted to have 100% assurance of it. I asked Him to continue to confirm it throughout the whole process and He did.
God doesn’t want to hide anything from us and He is able to reveal things to us and get His word across to us. The issue sometimes is simply our faith OR that God never said it. If God said it, rest and wait for Him to make it clear. Once He makes it clear to you, as the women all you have to do is wait for God to bring the man to you, which is biblical order. If you’ve asked God for confirmation or to make it clear and He hasn’t, then as my Pastor would say, put it on the shelf. Put it on the shelf and leave it there until God takes it off the shelf and hands it to you. He reveals things to us in His timing, not just when we want to know.
3. How did you know for sure that the word was from God?
I knew it was from God because I tested the word to see it if was from God. When I initially got the word and the dream I didn’t just run with it. In fact, for many months I doubted it and really thought it came out of my own flesh or from the enemy. The devil can speak to you and give you dreams and make them seem as if they are from God. Your own flesh can also give you dreams or a “word.” 1 Johns 4:1 tells us not to believe every spirit but to test the spirits to see if they are of God. When I initially got the word, I brushed it off but God continued to tell me in my spirit that it was from Him and not from my own flesh or the enemy. It would not go away so I decided to seriously pray and fast about it and seek God for confirmation. Marriage is a very serious thing and who we decide to marry is not something to be taken lightly. As believers, we should consider such a matter with great caution and seriousness. I wasn’t just going to jump on the first few confirmations I got. I needed to know that it was Almighty God in heaven revealing this man to me. If God is revealing something to you, especially something as serious as marriage, He will make it so plain that it’s from Him that you’d have to lie to yourself to deny it – that’s how serious He is about the marriages He puts together.
4. What did you do while you waited?
While I waited, I focused on whatever I had going on at that time and continued to handle my responsibilities. Sometimes when God gives us a word we tend to become anxious that all we do is think about it and want to just sit around and wait for the word to come to pass. But realistically speaking, it’s not wise nor is it responsible to do that. You never know exactly when God will fulfill the word and there’s so much to be done in the meantime. At that time I was still in school so I continued to focus on my responsibilities with school. I knew I had to be at bible study, weekly prayer at my church, and other church services, so I did that. I had a relationship with God to maintain, so I continued to read, pray, live holy and allow God to continue to mature me. Eventually, I was given a ministry role at my church so I had more responsibilities with that. I continued to maintain my relationships with my family members and enjoyed fellowship with friends and sisters in Christ. There’s so much to be done while you wait. When God gives you a word and it hasn’t come to past yet, it means there’s something He still wants to do in you before manifesting it. Don’t focus all your energy and attention on worrying about when or how God is going to do it. You had a lot going on before He gave you the word, so go on about your business and be a good steward over all that God has given you to do, great and small. We don’t sit around and do nothing while we wait for Christ to return, He told us to occupy until He comes and to work while it’s yet day – so get to work and continue to enjoy life and the people God has placed around you!
5. What helped you to wait/while you were waiting?
What helped me the most while I waited was worship. I know it may sound strange, like how does worship help you to wait on God? During that time God was teaching me how to be a worshiper, what it meant to worship, how to live a lifestyle of worship, how to quiet my spirit before Him, and how to get on my face and spend hours in worship with Him. It was in that season that He birthed me into a worshiper and gave me the name “Heart of Worship”. As I worshiped I would bring my fears to Him, my doubts, my worries, and everything else I felt concerning the word He gave me and other things that were going on at the time. It was in that place that He could calm my fears. It was in that place that He would speak to me so clearly and reassure me of the promises He gave to me. It was in that place that His words to me became much bigger than what I felt in my flesh. And it was in that place of total worship that I learned to lay even the promise down at His feet, I learned to give it back to Him like Abraham gave Isaac back to God (Genesis 22), and I learned to say “God let Your will be done concerning this, not in my timing but in Yours.” As I worshiped God and grew deeper in intimacy with Him, it was like He gave me a supernatural ability to wait; it didn’t take place right away but the more I stole away to be with Jesus, the more I was given the strength to just wait and trust Him. He built up my faith in that place of worship and eventually, I got to the point where I no longer worried about when it would happen, I just knew it would happen because God said it would. Then I got to the place where days and weeks would go by and I wouldn’t even think about it or worry about it. Only God can give you the ability to wait. If you seek Him He’ll give it to you. If He gave you a word, He knows when it will happen and He’ll give you all that you need to be able to endure the wait and everything that comes along with that word.
6. God gave me a certain date/age that it’s supposed to happen, what should I make of it?
When you receive something like a date or age that your future spouse is supposed to come along, the way that you know it is from God is if it comes to pass. Every word that God speaks comes to pass (Isaiah 55:11). Be aware though, that the enemy can give you false confirmations through dreams, voices, or “words” in your spirit, etc. This goes back to point number 3 of testing every spirit to see if it’s of God. If you believe God has shown you something and you’re not completely sure, ask for confirmation. God doesn’t mind us asking for confirmation concerning things we aren’t sure about. It’s better to be careful and certain it is from God than to run with it and later find out that it was really from the enemy. You may think you heard a date or age and when that time comes around assume that the guy that’s in your life at the time is the one God has for you, then you’ll try to force the relationship to work out. That’s why it’s important to test the spirit. One of the best ways to do this is to test it with the Word of God. We should always use God’s word when making any decision. Is this man living according to the word of God? Does his character line up with the characteristics of a godly man and potential husband? Is he willing to live pure as the Bible commands? (This man doesn’t have to be perfect, no man is, but he does have to be godly and on a path on godliness). If you think God gave you a certain date or age but the man that’s in your life at the time does not line up with any of that (what scripture lays out), it’s likely that he is not from God and what you heard wasn’t from God. God gives us all discernment to a degree and our first means of discerning is His word (the Bible). If a man comes into your life and he doesn’t abide by God’s word, back up and seek God before just running with a vision, dream, voice you heard, or even prophecy you heard – test EVERYTHING.
7. How do I stay emotionally pure while I wait?
“Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23). GUARD YOUR HEART. Don’t allow your thoughts to linger and don’t dwell on things you know you shouldn’t be thinking about. If you are friends with the guy, then watch your interactions – how you interact and how often. Don’t hang out alone and set up boundaries and stick to them. When impure thoughts come to mind, cast them down (if you’re not sure how to do that, read my last blog post here about casting down negative thoughts).
What also helps with staying pure is viewing the person as just a brother in Christ. When you view him as just a brother in Christ instead of as a significant other, it’s easier to keep your mind from wandering. And according to scripture, you’re just brother/sister in Christ and you are still single until you get married. Also, don’t open yourself up completely to him emotionally. As women, it’s easy for us to fully invest our emotions and affections in a man, but the Bible tells us that our affections belong to our husbands (1 Corinthians 7:3), so until you are legally declared husband and wife, watch your affections. Pouring out all your affections out of time will eventually lead to giving (or wanting to give) yourself physically. The Bible also says not to awaken love until it’s time (Song of Solomon 8:4). God has a time for love to be awakened for you, don’t go before Him and open it up out of time only to have to go through the hurt and pain of closing it back up again. Wait for your time.
If you find that you are really struggling in this area, pray to God for more self-control and for practical things you can do to get better, don’t just wallow in the thoughts. And don’t deceive yourself into thinking that they are just “innocent” thoughts. One “innocent” thought today will turn into full fantasies and lust dreams tomorrow. Guard your heart.
If the guy isn’t saved or stable in his walk with the Lord he is NOT the one right now – he might be the one God has for you later, but not right now. His walk with God is a telltale sign if it’s even time. God is not going to give you someone who doesn’t even have a relationship with Him. If God gave you a word that he’s your husband, then there’s a preparation to that word and that preparation is his SALVATION. Don’t try to make a man a husband who isn’t even a son yet (son of God). Get out of God’s way and stay out of His way so He can mature him. He can’t properly lead you if Christ isn’t his head. Don’t think you can be his savior and make him get saved or stable in his relationship. Some men will act like they want God and be everything you want them to be up until after you get married, then who they really are comes back out. That doesn’t have to be your testimony; rely on the leading of the Spirit and not your flesh.
Everyone is not going to have this kind of journey/story to getting married, many people will and many people will not. The way that God brings your husband into your life may be completely different from how He brought mine into my life. God may have the guy come to you first, have you to pray about it and then confirm it to you in prayer and unfold your story that way. He may bring your husband along while you’re 18 or 35; it’s completely up to Him and the plans He has for your life. As you walk with God and live in obedience to Him, you CANNOT miss what He has for you – it’s impossible. Don’t think that your story should look like someone else’s story. God is the Author and Finisher of your faith and the plans He has for you are already written out. My testimony and other people’s testimonies are only meant to help you along your journey, to help you see that God is able, that He ordains marriages, and when He speaks a word it comes to pass. Testimonies are meant to help you to overcome (Revelation 12:11). Take whatever encouragement you need from other people’s testimonies, but don’t think that God should do it for you just like He did it for them (it just can’t contradict who He is and His word). Whatever God is doing in your life, let Him do it. However He chooses to unfold your love story, let Him do it whether it’s similar to mine or not. Just sit back and let God create.
I hope answering these questions openly helps a lot of you who have questions or those who are too afraid to ask. God loves marriage and if it’s His will for you, it will happen. 🙂
P.s. – if you’ve emailed me recently, please be patient as I reply to all your emails, I will get to yours soon. ❤